One Day Only

12404569_10new206630636898793_1341309644_nSometimes I don’t understand that I actually lost him, other times I understand fully; it’s complicated to acknowledge the loss easily though its been years. I lost him early, too early we barely had our father son times; adventures, stories, guidance and even fights. One day only to fill a schedule with him is all I want now. I lived the manhood phase in my childhood, had to be the man of the house for my mother and a responsible sibling for my little brother but I was still too young for this. Is one day only too much to ask? My mother had to work shifts to set a table every night, to send me and my brother to school and handle the house. I would ask for one day only with him again to ease this. It was troubling, exhausting and tough to let her do this and watch. My childhood was scattered; I didn’t have a kid’s life, I was always bullied in school, I lost my good grades and I never lived a parent day at school because my mother never had the chance to escape a shift. Six years of my life passed without him around, six years of stolen time and  six years for my mother to change jobs until we finally had the chance to leave the whole country. I was pleased to know that me and my family will have a better chance, escape it all and live a new bubble. Sadly, this bubble didn’t last enough. We had to come back to where we stopped, my mother couldn’t have better work chances but lucky us we learned a new language, experienced a new culture, socialized with new people and a little luck for a better educational life as I also grew a more mature self. However; coming back  was not an easy task for us, we had to start over. I felt the lack of presence of my father that reminded me of all the tiring past we lived. After arriving I felt it again, the cold house, heavy responsibility and the empty father son flashbacks. His take-off was way too early for me. I would give it all up for a day back with him, I regret every moment i stayed out late, not caring for his advice, slamming the door and constantly disagreeing. I would give it all for one day only to laugh or even fight, even a one punishment would be a delight. One day only to express, throw my thoughts and emotions.

One day to spend, only..

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10 thoughts on “One Day Only

  1. I can relate with the absence of a father figure, yet hardships in some cases tend to bring the other family members together and you as a person grow stronger from hardships, Either that or you drown, and I´m a freaking good swimmer of life.

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  2. Great title for this piece. Their are several who did not have the best childhood but they must move on to enjoy the rest of their life. It is true that tragic moments bring people/families closer to reach a better life. One should stop worrying and regretting pieces from the past in order to go beyond the bad and hurtful memories to create a better future with those close to them.

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    1. It’s never easy to by pass such moments and we can’t fully understand the hard moments of it for not living them however I strongly agree with you on not worrying and regretting thins and memories for better memories and life ahead.

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  3. A heartfelt post. Have you ever thought about writing a letter to your Dad? Telling him everything you feel or feel that you have not said since he has gone? It is very healing and then burn the letter in nature as a way of letting go and releasing the heaviness of your guilt, forgiving him for his anger or thoughts from the past.

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