3 Moments..Waiting for the Next Stranger

Moment 1: I come back from school; knock on the door; enter the room with a big smile. I just wanted to say hi to Dad; tell him about my day in school. He receives me with a slap. I was in the tenth grade at the time. Quiet a grown-up to be beaten, I thought. It was the last time I was beaten, but it’s probably the only time I still remember with the details. I know I didn’t hate my dad. Despite his temper and his abuses, he’s kind-hearted; I still love him.

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Moment 2: Trying to find the emotions within me with everyone I meet. I get more intimate trying to just feel that rush within the thinnest layer of my skin. They call it butterflies, but it’s more than that; it’s a new life being bumped into your veins. I keep jumping from one person to another trying to find someone who can keep my fire going. But it just goes off in a week or two. I know I’m not a liar; I know I’m not a player. I’m honest, but that’s the only way to find that special someone, try. I thought that I’ve found that person. But I’m still frightened. I have a plan for my life, and I cannot just take a +1. Indirectly, I push her away. What if she was the one? But I still know our ways will eventually split. Then, I better not know if she’s the one.

Moment 3: I try hard to stop the bleeding, but it’s a fountain; how do I stop it? Then he takes his last gasp of breath with my hands on his face. They tell us there is hope. I knew he was gone…but I wanted to believe the lie. I slept on it. Just to wake up on a new day without his soul.

Nope, not only 3 moments; dozens of moments keep on haunting me. I cannot quiet understand why those moments. I find myself telling my stories to a total stranger, in an attempt to understand. I have the urge to go back in time and relive them. Then I remind myself, “No regrets”. And I believe it, and I move on. And I wait for the next stranger to repeat those stories to. And I know they won’t understand, but I tell them anyway.

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11 thoughts on “3 Moments..Waiting for the Next Stranger

  1. So many feels in this one, I hope it gives you some tiny bit of release to speak your words of truth here. Part of the process to healing, I believe.

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  2. Each person has his own moments that he wont ever forget .. interesting how you have that magical power to let people express out 🙂 Keep the good work

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  3. I have noticed writing and sharing these moments helps you deal with how you react to these moments when they go through your head again. At least, it has been that way for me. Thanks for sharing.

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  4. A very moving and honest piece I resonated with on many levels. If I wasn’t hit for something for a while, I used to panic because I knew it was coming…I still have trouble trusting and I have PTSD. Thankyou. Jx

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